I Want to be My Own, Set-Apart Kind of Beautiful

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Self, Where does my beauty lie?

Does it lie in my brown colored eyes or my occasionally dry, tapered kinks? Does it lie beneath the hills of my breasts, or the curves of my backside? Maybe it’s in the broad shape of my nose, or the tiger stripes that grace only those privileged portions of my skin. Is it in my extra dose of melanin? Or maybe the not so perfect shade of white in my smile.

There are many of us who may rely on physical attributes to identify with our beauty, but as I approach my 30’s I now have a personal understanding of this one great truth: If I don’t know who I am; If I can’t love and appreciate the woman that I am on the inside, during all of my stages of learning and growing and mistake making, then I will never find the girl in the mirror to be, beautiful!  

Now, for me beauty is so much more than a physical appeal. Its courage and acceptance and purpose and self-expression.  It’s about having the courage to be confident as you are. It’s about embracing all of the woman that is being molded by life and pain and love, and doing so without shame!

The truth of the matter is that I’m still growing in my beauty; learning to appreciate it as such. My journey to self-love has indeed been a process, but it’s one that I will continue to embrace with my arms clenched tight across my bosoms.

So what if I’m weird and have random bouts of goofy laughing spells. Who cares if my hips take a minute to catch up to the beat of your favorite tune on the radio?! YES, it sometimes takes me 15 minutes to catch the punch line of a joke and then laugh hysterically like I just heard it a few seconds ago.

Yes, I can be indecisive, the occasional klutz and a Bronx born Belizean queen who occasionally lacks rhythm. But so what – I Am Me and I love who I am.

So what if I don’t fit into your societal mold of flawlessness and articulate splendor. Stop trying to fix me and just love me!

Learn to love the unique zeal that engulfs my spirit as I exude my perfect portion of random silliness and laid back vigor. I promise you that once you get to know me, I’ll bring life and laughter to your smile. No need to wish your concocted ideals upon my spirit.

Me, myself and I can do without your misconceived expectations of what I, as an educated-black-Christian woman am supposed to be or look like.

Yes, I’ve made a few wrong turns. I’ve lost love for self and found it again. Felt a rainbow of emotions and displaced my hurt onto others – But I’m only human, right?

Even so, through it all, I just want you to Love me! Don’t try to fix me, just Love me!

LOVE me with no expectation of me ever changing to your liking. And if I do happen to change along the way, love who I become…who I am becoming. Whether it’s what you want to see or not. Love all of me, As I Am.

I am a woman on her own journey to greatness, all whilst riding on the waves of life with the audacity to breathe in flaming clouds of bold courage.

I have made this promise to myself. I will no longer try to “fix” who I am in order to please the masses.

I choose to just love me. As I Am.

Flaws n’ all!

Now that’s what I call beautiful!

Until Next Time Loves,

S.

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