#30Layers30Days – Day 6: “Smothered”

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We are often more occupied with what other people need from us and what we are expected to do, than we are with what we need for ourselves — to the extent that we feel guilty for taking time and energy for ourselves.

What people and things are making it hard for you to breathe right now?

I am finally coming into my own. I am taking the time to silence everyone else’s voice for a change, focusing on the beat of my own drum.

There was a time when everyone and everything else came first.  Particularly, my marriage and my responsibility to the church hogged the vision I had for myself. I had no time to focus on healing myself and transforming the parts of me that were dead. In reality, I didn’t even realize that I was dead.

My soul was just aching to be loved from within. Too busy trying to be an idolized image of perfection in the eyes of my husband and my church family, I was blind to one ultimate truth; I cannot offer pieces of myself to others that are broken or missing.

I poured into others what I was unable to give myself. I gave, and I gave and I gave of myself; operating on “E” while trying to portray the ideal woman I imagined myself to be. But the reality is I didn’t know who I was. I was pretending, attempting to be who I thought the world needed me to be, instead of being who I needed me to be.

But now I can finally breathe. The pressure pressing down on my meek shoulders has been lifted. I now have the courage to say yes to my needs and desires. I have the opportunity to minister in my own way, rather than trying to fit into a mold that wasn’t meant for me.

I do not feel guilty for loving me first. I will not feel guilty!

 

#30Layers30Days Self-Discovery Challenge 

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