#30Layers30Days – Day 3: “Permission”

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What factors block your self-expression the most?

The thoughts and assumptions of what others may think of me or my actions have contributed to some serious blockage during my transformation. I have definitely been my own worst critic. I’ve allowed the potential thoughts or opinions of others to keep me from embodying the highest level of self-expression – to live my life as my true self for myself

What factors stifle your personality and natural instincts the most?

FEAR! Fear of offending you or feeling like you’re questioning the root of my change or my choices. Fear of being ridiculed for how I choose to express myself. Fear of being alone. Fear of failure. Fear that you will not want to get to know the real me that lives beneath all the baggage; the one who sometimes chooses to withhold the past that has contributed to the makings of the strong woman who now stands. FEAR stifles the hell out of my personality and natural instincts.

In what areas of your life are you waiting for permission to be yourself?

Motherhood has caused me to be meticulous in deciding how to move forward with my life. My daughter has completely renovated my mind and transformed the way I view the world and how I want to exist in it. I am no longer okay with the idea of settling or becoming comfortable in unhappiness, but I also want my daughter to have the opportunity to experience joy to the fullest extent of Gods’ law.

I want to spread my wings and fly. I want to enjoy every moment of my life and prove to her that it is possible to have everything that you dream up in the inside and envision for yourself.

I want to experience a full life free from regret, but I also want to be a great mother. So, I guess I am waiting on permission from myself to accept the cards that I have been dealt, as I figure out how to make them work to my advantage. I am inching towards the edge, about to make a conscious choice to just jump. Free fall into my future…head first, arms spread wide and slightly arched towards my spine, with a twinkle glaring through my eyes, shut tight as my pearly whites wink at you through my smile.

I’m learning to become intimate with the reality of not living  for others. I’m learning to respect my struggle while giving myself permission to evolve through this glorious aging process called life. I am to embody change and not care whether or not you accept the alterations I make to the hem of my dress. Yes, I’m holding my head up a little higher and there’s a little more kick in my stiletto. Get used to it.

 

Interested in digging deeper and participating in the #30Layers30Days self-discovery challenge? You can by clicking here

 

Until Next Time

-S.

 

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