Insecurity, Be Gone

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I think we all have blocks between us and the best version of ourselves, whether it’s shyness, insecurity, anxiety, whether it’s a physical block, and the story of a person overcoming that block to their best self. It’s truly inspiring because I think all of us are engaged in that every day. – Tom Hooper

As I’ve traveled the roads on my journey of self discovery, one of the greatest truths that have been difficult for me to admit to myself is that I am an insecure person. (Correction, I was an insecure person – not claiming that as truth over my life any longer). Insecurities were at the root of many of my decisions in life. For as long as I can remember, I was insecure, timid and socially awkward (mostly around new people or big crowds).

Now, this may come as a shock to many of my closest friends and family members because I’m sure to them, it seemed like I was the type of person to have it all together. But the reality is, you cant judge a book by its cover. Sometimes, the exterior can do a good job of covering up what may be lingering on the inside, slowly eating away at your sanity.

Those on the outside looking in may not see the residue of muck and grit that resultantly covered my heart from the pain and disappointment I’ve had to endure. They may even be blind to how much not having a strong father figure in my life as a child truly affected me to my core. Although I am sure my father loves me, I truly believe that his lack of guidance, presence and acts of love negatively contributed to my low self-esteem and even what my standard of love should be. I believe I eventually became engrossed in the apparent facade of what I imagined love to be in my head, that I lost sight of its true meaning, or what it embodied. And this included my ability to truly love myself, to recognize anothers love for me, and even truly love another.

Growing up I questioned my beauty and was oblivious to my value as a woman. Unaware of my worth, I searched high and low, hoping to find the love the skin of my soul craved and desired. What I’ve come to realize is that my inability to really deal with my insecurities affected the type of relationships I shared with others. As I attempted to feed the craving for validation with that surface kind a’ love, I was merely covering up the insecure thoughts and lack of self-confidence. Now that I’m taking the time to be completely honest with myself, I am learning to let those insecurities go and love all of me, flaws n’ all. From this day forward, I’m gonna’ strut my stuff with confident grace, head held high for all to see.

Through my journey of self-exploration, I’m learning that my best self requires me to be secure and confident in the person that I am (even those real & raw parts of me that I used to be ashamed of). I’m learning to embrace my body, even after having carried and delivered a baby. My skin may be a little loose, the stretch marks may never go away, and my breasts may not be as perky, but I’m ok with that. More than physically, my soul and spirit demands that I am able to truly love all of me; to be able to validate myself instead of craving the confirmation from others.

Ladies, yes it’s nice to be complimented every now and then, to share intimate moments with someone you care about. But don’t be controlled by an ostensible need to receive those compliments and gestures of love & even lust; these gestures shouldn’t be what complete you. Allow Gods love and the admiration you have for yourself to fill the desolate places in your heart. This way, when your true loves comes along, his expressed love will be the butter-cream icing on your red velvet cake (or any other cake & icing of your choosing :-P).

Straighten your crown ladies. You are queens and deserve to be treated as such. But most importantly, you need to believe it in your own heart; recognize your value and your worth. Be confident and secure in your skin. We as women are uniquely beautiful and it’s about time we begin to walk in that truth.

With Sincerest Love

-S.

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