PURPOSE BENEATH THE SURFACE

AmelNatural

“Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us.” – Marianne Williamson

For a long time, I only associated purpose with ones reason for existing; It was all on the surface for me. Why am I here? What was I created to do? But it is so much more than that! I’m learning that my purpose exists not only in my role (i.e. a woman, a mother or a poet etc.) – but in the type of person I want to be. One exemplifies purpose in their ability to not only execute in their role, but also to be authentically themselves in the process. Not looking to be a misguided representation of who they think others will accept or approve of. If you find your passion, yet you are unable to be an honest representation of your unique self in all areas of your life, then what’s the point of it all?

For so long, I’ve looked for success. I’ve searched for happiness – rummaging through life in hopes of being validated by others, of being authenticated by my achievements, all while not fully allowing my true self to be seen. Always holding back; being who I thought others wanted to see, or what they wanted to experience. Making choices based on how I thought others might react, or how it would affect their feelings. Giving into the type of person I thought they would admire and respect. Sometimes, I even lowered my standards or expectations in order to oblige someone else’s ego. Someone else’s gratification became my validation; whether it went against my morals or my instincts didn’t really matter. But how could I have fully realized my purpose if I was afraid to reveal my true self to others? Feeling troubled about saying no. Hesitant to be the type of person I myself admired, for fear that others wouldn’t approve of that person. The introvert! The quiet, awkward sometimes shy girl who likes to keep to herself, yet is obnoxiously loud, silly and goofy when she’s comfortable around you.

In retrospect, it all boils down to love. Being able to love others, but most importantly, being able to love you, and know what it really entails.  For a long time, insecurities have kept me from fully appreciating the woman God intended for me to be. I have been unable to truly value the things that make me different from everyone else. But the day has come where I’ve been able to say good-riddance to the “representative” I’ve used to portray myself to the world. She is no more! The new me has now been birthed and is excited to experience new life; To relish in her purpose!

My purpose here on earth is an evolving one. It will bud and blossom as I journey through life, growing and progressing as a unique individual. There will be new relationships that need to be forged, some people that I need to re-connect with and others that I need to demote, and I can accept that. I embrace it! I am so excited to dive into the next phase of my existence. To begin the process of releasing the fear so that I can truly embody my purpose from a place of “bold authenticity” (as G.G. Renee from Allthemanylayers blog so perfectly put it 🙂 )

With Authentic Love,

-S.

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