Am I the only one? Am I the only one who is afraid of success? Terrified that when someone sees the potential in me, that I will not be able to live up to his or her expectations; unable to triumph in my role – whatever it may be. As a wife, a mother, a friend, an entrepreneur, or even in that new leadership position you’re thinking of applying for but afraid of actually getting …
Am I the only one? The only one whose mind seems to be racing at a billion miles per second? Like a shooting star zooming through galaxies – appearing beautiful from a distance, but up close, I am a large mass of energy, burning up on the inside as I travel at implausible speeds through my current existence. Thoughts just racing, racing, racing – I can’t keep track.
There is so much in life that I want to be, that I want to accomplish, but I feel like the process of arriving is so demanding, so arduous, so complex and intricate at times. So much so that at times I lose sight of my ambitions and allow my fears, my doubts, and my uncertainties, to take over. My efforts just fall by the wayside.
I want so much to just ‘fix’ myself; to be ‘normal’. To be healthy, happy and successful. To experience true love in its purest, most intimate form. But it’s so hard. I feel like I have so many concerns, so many issues, and so many flaws that need correcting, that I wouldn’t know where to start. I know God doesn’t put more on me than I can bear, but sometimes it sure does feel like it. It feels like my heart is going to burst from pent up anxiety. Like the nervousness, the worry, the apprehension, the angst – all of it is just boiling over on the inside of me, like a volcano waiting to erupt. I just want to be happy. No, I want more than happiness, because happiness can be dependent on my emotions, my feelings, my state of mind. I want to experience joy like never before; to revel in bliss. To know an indescribable pleasure during any phase of my complicated journey!
Am I the only one who feels this way?