Am I the Only One???

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Am I the only one? Am I the only one who is afraid of success? Terrified that when someone sees the potential in me, that I will not be able to live up to his or her expectations; unable to triumph in my role – whatever it may be. As a wife, a mother, a friend, an entrepreneur, or even in that new leadership position you’re thinking of applying for but afraid of actually getting …

Am I the only one? The only one whose mind seems to be racing at a billion miles per second? Like a shooting star zooming through galaxies – appearing beautiful from a distance, but up close, I am a large mass of energy, burning up on the inside as I travel at implausible speeds through my current existence. Thoughts just racing, racing, racing – I can’t keep track.

There is so much in life that I want to be, that I want to accomplish, but I feel like the process of arriving is so demanding, so arduous, so complex and intricate at times. So much so that at times I lose sight of my ambitions and allow my fears, my doubts, and my uncertainties, to take over. My efforts just fall by the wayside.

I want so much to just ‘fix’ myself; to be ‘normal’. To be healthy, happy and successful. To experience true love in its purest, most intimate form. But it’s so hard. I feel like I have so many concerns, so many issues, and so many flaws that need correcting, that I wouldn’t know where to start. I know God doesn’t put more on me than I can bear, but sometimes it sure does feel like it. It feels like my heart is going to burst from pent up anxiety.  Like the nervousness, the worry, the apprehension, the angst – all of it is just boiling over on the inside of me, like a volcano waiting to erupt. I just want to be happy. No, I want more than happiness, because happiness can be dependent on my emotions, my feelings, my state of mind. I want to experience joy like never before; to revel in bliss. To know an indescribable pleasure during any phase of my complicated journey!

Am I the only one who feels this way?

– S.

2 thoughts on “Am I the Only One???

  1. Don’t worry, you’re not the only one. If I’ve learnt anything, it’s that there’s always people who can relate. Sometimes people hide it, too afraid to let it be seen. I can relate to quite a bit of what you write here. Oh, the pressure. Usually it’s self-pressure. I think one things that helps me in this area when I get all angsty, is reminding myself that God is so patient and his timing is perfect. Also knowing that he’s at work in me at every stage of life – even the ansty moments. Knowing that helps me to not worry about it so much. But, no, you’re not the only one,

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